Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Hussy tushy

To whom it may concern:

Today I got a pornographically oriented spam e-mail. Its subject line contained the word "hussies." Now, I understand that the life of a porn spammer must be difficult. After all, you have to convince your victims to click their way to a site unknown to them, for the purpose of sharing some of their most intimate moments with you, all while avoiding spam filters.

Still, "hussies"? That might titillate me if it were 1940. Since it's not, the word just reminds me of something my grandma would say, which does not exactly send me reaching for my fly. The above image, one of the first that popped up on my Google image search (even with SafeSearch turned off), shows just how with-it a word that is.

It gets worse, though. A few weeks ago I found in my inbox a message titled "Miss Katie is a professional tushy school teacher." Naturally, all sorts of questions come to mind. Is there such thing as an amateur tushy school teacher? Is it a school for tushies that operates for profit, or a school for tushies hoping to go pro? Upon graduating, will I be able to tell my tushy from a hole in the ground?

In all seriousness, there are all manner of smutty words that describe the orifice back there. I'm sure you, gentle reader, have seen most of them in your e-mail account, so I won't list them here. "Tushy" is not one of those words. You know who has tushies? Little kids and dogs, that's who. I'm sure that I could find a site to cater to me if either of those sets of creatures turned my crank, but I doubt the link in the body of the e-mail would have taken me to one.

God, I hope not.

Yours truly,

ps. It occurs to me that Rachel's assistant Tag also has a tushy. Still, mainly kids and dogs.

pps. If you do an image search for "tushy," for the love of all that's holy, turn SafeSearch on.